Hi Diva!
Can I call you Diva? Of course, I can. I can do whatever I want. It’s called free will, look it up, baby! Knowledge is power and Google is free! As the great philosopher and star of Jane the Virgin, Gina Rodriguez, once said: “Mama let’s research”.
Welcome to Hi Diva!, a semi-regular newsletter where I put my thoughts into writing and terrorise your inbox with them. This is a place for thinking about the important things in life - celebrity, pop culture, and general diva-esque goings-on! This week, we have the perfect topic to discuss for our maiden newsletter- the original diva-doll herself, Barbie (she may have also inspired the colours of this substack, but c’est la vie).
This Barbie is mentally unwell!
*WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR BARBIE (2023) BELOW*
Hi Barbie! Hi Diva! Hi Barbie! Hi Diva!
Barbie (2023) dir. Greta Gerwig has arrived and yours truly has seen it. A movie made entirely with me in mind, starring one of my favourite women directed by another one of my favourite women, the experience of seeing Barbie on the silver screen (like many of my experiences) can only be surmised by this specific video of Gwyneth Paltrow:
In many ways, I was always going to enjoy this movie. I knew that no matter what happened, I’d be opening my silly little Leterboxd app and rating it five stars. I have this uncanny talent for forcing myself to enjoy anything that certain female celebrities choose to attach themselves to (except Cats, even my powers weren’t strong enough for that one - Sorry, Taylor). I’m also, famously, a sucker for a blonde woman serving.
Thankfully, the movie exceeded every expectation I had. It’s campy, colourful and so queer-coded. As the great cinephile and noted flop actor, Harry Styles, once said, this movie “feels like a movie”. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
The first third of Barbie will be deeply nostalgic for the majority of women and every bottom in the world. A flawless recreation of the joyous pink world we once inhabited as children. Barbieland is the utopia, the world we’ll all live in once some man with a science degree accidentally makes a disease that only kills people who don’t renew their diva license every year (if you have not done so, please renew now by sniffing poppers or wearing a skirt that could be a belt at your earliest convenience). The dialogue mirrors how we spoke in our minds when we played with Barbie; what we thought it was to be an adult when we were children.
However, that can only last so long, and like many of us, Barbie is then consumed by thoughts of death. Honestly, a vibe. She’s then thrown into the real world. Not such a vibe. Ken comes along with her, discovers other men, and gets inspired. I told you this was queer-coded. Let’s just say Gosling’s Ken would have attended the Chromatica Ball. The film concludes with diva hijinks as the Barbies take back what the cast of Troye Sivan’s Rush video the Kens took from them. It’s all very Twinks vs. Dolls cigarette race!
(via Twitter user @TimeWharp)
The film boldly tackles what it is to be a woman, what it is to be a man, and what it is to simply be. Barbie questions her existence, the society she enters, and how she may have contributed to the creation of that society. Against all odds, Greta Gerwig and Margot Robbie manage to deliver existential crisis Barbie without making the movie feel like a drag or inauthentic. As a 6’2 bald gay man, I never thought I’d say this: but Barbie is just like me for real.
It’s a tough truth, but it’s delivered with heart. The film never takes itself too seriously, while simultaneously dealing with its subject and themes with the utmost care. The film left me grappling with my existence. I felt seen and put on blast all at the same time. It’s hard to see the positive when posed with the question “What was I made for?”. But having sat with the movie, I have somehow come out with a positive outlook. For those of you who know me, that may be shocking. It was shocking to me. Yet here we are.
The film concludes with Barbie opting to leave her seemingly perfect life where it’s fun all day and everything goes to plan. Her time in the human world causes her to expand beyond Barbieland, beyond her realm of plastic optimism and joy. She is faced with the breadth of human emotion. When she returns to her supposed utopia, it’s no longer enough. That may seem depressing when taken at face value; her perfect life ruined by humanity. However, when you think about it, does it not make sense? If you truly ask yourself, would you be able to give up everything you feel for a superficial life where connections can only go as far as your perfect, plastic skin will allow? Would you give up every moment of unadulterated joy just to avoid the moments when you feel down?
If every day is a perfect day, would those days not simply become a regular day? Life’s up and downs are what make it worth living. The ability to feel is what gets us up in the morning. Once we know what it is to feel, a world without feeling is a world without meaning. How else would you know when you’re feeling fierce? Or when you’re feeling diva down? Barbie gets it, Greta gets it, and now all the divas get it. That’s what I call cinema, baby!
Stay fierce divas!
